The seeds of the exciting spiritual journey I’m on were planted over a challenging two-year period. I’m leaving out details because it’s not a place I like to revisit or dwell, and it’s not important to the message I want to share. What is important to know is that in the mess of things, I made a conscious decision to turn to God. He didn’t coax me in. If I had waited for God to extend his hand before turning to Him, chances are I would not have found Him to the profound extent that I have.
When I told God that I was putting all of my faith in Him, my circumstances didn’t automatically change for the better. It actually took a year and half from the time I made the decision to focus my energy on Him rather than the variables in my earthly life for my circumstances to improve.
It’s not easy for me to describe what I experienced during that time when I was low but prayed regularly and made God the focus of my life as best as I could. It’s not easy because it’s complex. I still felt sad, I still had really bad days where I felt abandoned, I still was uncertain and scared. But I kept opening the Bible, going to church, and taking time to sit quietly and be with God. Over time, I started feeling the presence of something bigger. I started feeling comfort – but not comfort that made me not care about my problems anymore. What started to change was how these problems affected me. I had been tapped into a source of strength greater than myself. I remember reflecting quietly one evening and the word “trust” came into my head. I felt that in my conversation with God that night he was asking me to trust Him. It’s not easy to hand the keys of your life over to someone else. I knew I had to trust God with my life, but it took time and effort before I actually could say I trust God with my life and believe it. I don’t think trusting God with our lives means we don’t have to take responsibility for ourselves anymore. My interpretation is that God’s plan for our lives is unlocked by making Him the focus and reason for everything we do.
At a church book club meeting a while back, we discussed “The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena.” St. Catherine suffered towards the end of her life. A girl at the meeting shared a personal story about how she had recently gone through a prolonged period of suffering and turned to God for strength. She was just like me. By turning to God during a difficult time, her spiritual life underwent a transformation that has her walking a different path. I have a backlog of The Daily Catholic blog posts that I’ll post in the future, and one centers on the idea that God is consistent. I wrote the entry after hearing that girl’s story and noticing how closely the description of her experience matched mine. During the homily a few weeks later, Monsignor used a familiar adjective to describe God’s love and mercy: consistent.
Welcome to my blog. I look forward to growing in faith and sharing in the journey with you.